Making an Omelet

[finch]

“I’m not sure how I feel about this change in the power dynamic of our relationship.”

Lin’s mouth tightened. “I suspect that’s because you no longer hold all the power.”

“That’s not- that’s not what i meant.” The whole conversation was a mistake. I knew it almost as soon as I started having it, but somehow the words kept spilling out of my mouth anyway.

“But it’s not untrue.”

I shook her head. “It’s a matter of scale, too. Having money and knowing people, that’s not the same as- as- this.” I gestured wildly at Lin, not even sure how to describe it. “I don’t know what the words are. Do you know what I mean?”

“I do, but I don’t agree. You don’t think those are as important because you have them.”

I didn’t have an answer for that, so I said nothing as she turned and left. Long after she was gone, I stomped away in a huff, determined to find… something. I didn’t know what yet.

That ill-fated conversation put me on the road, though. Too embarrassed to face Lin again and to proud to tell her she was right, I went looking for other options. I went back to the books that had inspired me in the first place. I called in favors with alchemists and with the supernaturals that I bargained with.

I hadn’t learned everything I knew about monster hunting from Lin – I’d been doing it recreationally for years before I met her. And this hardly qualified as hunting, anyway.

Eventually I ended up in a cave at the end of the world, half-frozen, exhausted, and almost out of food. The moment when I was about to find what I thought I wanted was when I figured out how fucking stupid the whole thing was.

I was in love with her. I could admit that now, even if she wasn’t there to hear it.

I was in love with her and I didn’t want to be left behind. I’ve always been competitive. I was supposed to be the one out in front, the one taking stupid risks and winning huge rewards. Getting rescued by Lin had been novel, had been exciting for a little while. The follow-up sex was incredible.

But I was going to be her equal or I was going to die trying, because I didn’t know how to be anything less.

The egg just sat there, looking for all the world like a vibrant red piece of jade. It was certainly impressive – it was almost the size of my head – but it was uncarved and unadorned. Unremarkable.

If I was wrong about this, I would die here.

If I died here, I deserved it, said the voice of my doubt.

I told my self doubt to shut up as I reached for the stone. It was heavy, but I could lift it. Nothing happened. The stone stayed slightly warm to the touch. There was no inscription to read, no booby trap.

What are you supposed to do with an egg, anyway? You break it.

So I dropped it. I watched it shatter into a handful of pieces. There was silence, just long enough for me to think I’d screwed up irrevocably.

Then the air around me caught fire.

Mirrored from Jack-a-dreams.